Impermanence
by wizwitch42
Summary: Milo Murphy is an optimistic open book-at least most people would assume so after meeting him. No one really would expect him to doubt himself enough to keep a major part secret. (one-shot series that focuses on Milo being genderfluid, along with other LGBT headcanons I have)


**A/N: More cross-posting-this time a fic that means a small deal to me thanks to genderfluid Milo helping me deal with my own gender crap ^^**

* * *

I ducked my head down when I heard the giggling down the hall. It didn't automatically mean they were teasing me, but it didn't stop the fear climbing up my throat; I mean, who was to say they _weren't_ teasing me?

' _Stop thinking like that,'_ I told myself as I opened my locker (still slightly surprised that it actually _opened_ despite the fact Murphy's Law wasn't a thing right now). _'Melissa and Zack accept you, so isn't that what matters?'_

Self-talk...losing to the anxiety. Maybe I should've just gone with my normal outfit again and deal with the dysphoria-it wasn't anything I wasn't used to. That was just my mind hating me, not...everyone else hating me.

I screwed my eyes shut and started trying to do the breathing exercises I'd learned. _No one_ was paying attention to me-our school was extremely accepting of LGBT…

Well, no; everyone was accepting of SGA...this was the first time anyone our age had come out as non-cis… And if the trans girl Sara knew was anything to go by…

Nope, bad thoughts, don't think of that.

I needed to get to class-while I got to school early that morning (habit of Murphy's Law), it'd be good to get to class right away. Double check my homework, have my skirt under a desk… Yeah, straight to class was a good plan.

I closed my locker and started walking down the hall, trying to focus on the sound of my heels hitting the floor instead of the people that were probably staring at me. _Click, click, click, click_ _…_

(I never understood why Sara and Melissa didn't like heels-they were so fun to walk in, and the sound did wonders to distract me.)

Some students were already in the classroom, scattered about in small groups so they could talk before classes officially started, though a few heads turned towards the door when I walked in.

' _They're judging you,'_ a small voice in my head said. _"They already think you're a freak with the Murphy's Law stuff-why are you adding to it?"_

Where was Melissa? She knew how to deal with this stuff better than I could despite not having to.

I let out a slow breath and walked towards my desk so I could sit down before my shaky knees gave out. As I walked, my ankle suddenly turned and I fell over, but someone caught me before I could land on the floor. "You okay there, Murphy?"

No, no, of all people, why Bradley? He judged me enough for Murphy's Law, he definitely would judge me for this…

"Uh yeah, I'm fine," I answered as I regained my balance. "Th-thanks, Bradley…"

Bradley nodded, but didn't make any move to leave for his own desk, instead saying, "I'm not sure heels are the best for Murphy's Law."

Great advice there. "Uh, yeah, well, Murphy's Law doesn't usually, uh, act up with...that type of stuff…"

"With high heels?" Bradley crossed his arms and quirked an eyebrow. "I'll admit, that's an interesting loophole for an unpredictable force."

I shrugged slightly and rubbed the back of my neck. "Murphy's Law is unpredictable, but it does have a few rules it kinda follows…" I pulled her lower lip in to chew on, but quickly released it when I remembered I'd put on some of Sara's lip gloss before I left-whoops. Least it didn't taste that bad. "Y'know, things like how it only works within a certain proximity of me and other… Murphy men, and other than the scars, everything's able to heal…" I shrugged again and put a hand on a nearby desk to support myself.

"Are you alright? You seem a bit faint..."

I let out a slow breath and looked around to see if Melissa or Zack had come in (even though the rational part of my mind pointed out that they probably would've come over if they had). Where were they? Didn't Murphy's Law leave me alone on girl days? "I'm fine, Bradley-don't worry."

"You're having an anxiety attack-let's at least get you out of the classroom."

Part of me wanted to argue-being alone with Bradley did _not_ seem like a good idea-but another part of me was...kinda grateful for the help with getting out of the classroom. Maybe he would leave me alone once out there…

Would Murphy's Law allow that at least?

I allowed Bradley to guide me out of the classroom and we found a small nook in the hallway where we were less likely to be disturbed. Bradley helped lower me to a seated position on the ground, and I made to thank him for the help, though my voice remained caught in my throat.

"Are you all right now?"

I nodded-not quite the truth, but it was more likely to get Bradley to leave, which was why I was surprised when he knelt down on the ground next to me.

"So...uh...how was your weekend? Have any exciting incidences with Murphy's Law?"

My lips twitched up into a smile and I shook my head. "I was a girl for most of the weekend, so Murphy's Law pretty much just left me alone…"

"You were a girl this weekend?"

 _Shitshitshitshi-_

Bradley must have noticed my panic because he reached over and squeezed my wrists-a move Melissa always did to calm me down during panic attacks or oncoming meltdowns (how did he know that would work?). "Milo? Are you alright?"

I tried to answer, but my voice wasn't working-of course, now that I _wanted_ to say something to Bradley…

"Milo?"

Instead of trying to answer, I closed my eyes and focused purely on Bradley's emotions. Instead of disgust or hatred or...anything like that, he felt...worry, and concern? That had to be wrong-Bradley _hated_ me…

"I-I don't know…" I admitted. "I just...Today isn't going very well for me…" I buried my head in her hands and let out a shuddering gasp. "Coming out is so _hard_ …"

"Coming out?"

I nodded and rubbed at my eyes a bit (thank goodness she hadn't put on any eye makeup that morning). "Y-yeah...as, um...as genderfluid…" I let out another shuddery breath and looked down at the boots she'd borrowed from Sara. "I didn't even plan this very well...I just kinda woke up and said 'I don't wanna deal with dysphoria today'..."

"Understandable." Bradley pushed his glasses up his nose and added, "So you think you'll be all right today then?"

"I hope so… We probably need to go to class, though…" I made to stand up, though Bradley put a hand under my elbow to help support me. "Er, thanks…"

Bradley nodded and kept his hand on my elbow as they walked back down the hallway to our first-hour class, where Melissa had arrived while we were gone. "Milo! There you are!" she yelled as she jogged over.

"Sorry…" I commented as I toed the floor. "I just…"

Mouth, words, form.

"He-er, _she_ had a panic attack," Bradley explained as he awkwardly pulled his hand away from my arm so I could lean on Melissa more.

"Thank you," Melissa said as she wrapped an arm around me. "You didn't tell me you were coming out today…You know I would've helped…"

My cheeks warmed up and I allowed Melissa to lead me to the front lab table while Bradley went over to his own seat. "I didn't really plan to come out today… I just didn't wanna deal with dysphoria today…"

Melissa nodded and squeezed my shoulder. "Well, you still did it-you could've still dealt with the dysphoria like you normally do."

I smiled a bit and closed my eyes to focus on the emotions rolling off of Melissa, with pride being the strongest one, though there were traces of concern intertwined with it. I leaned more against my closest friend and let out a small sigh-Melissa's presence was always comforting, especially on days like this.

"Hey, guys!" Zack greeted as he came over. "Is everything okay?"

My eyes flew open and I pulled away from Melissa at Zack's voice. His lips were curled down in a slight frown while his head was tilted, and I felt my cheeks heat up slightly at the realization that look was directed at _me_.

"Uh, hi, Zack," I greeted as I forced a slight smile. "Everything's fine."

"Better than fine, even!" Melissa announced as she pulled something out of her bag. "Milo's coming out!"

Zack smiled at me and I felt myself smiling back. "You look really pretty today."

I immediately pressed my hands to my cheeks and ducked down slightly to hide my blush while trying to keep from squeaking. Oh my gosh, Zack thought I was pretty… "Th-Thank you," I managed to stutter while sparing a glance to see Zack giving me an adorable smile that made me wanna squeal even more.

Eventually, I did manage to calm down enough to hold a semi-normal conversation with him about our weekends, with a couple other kids stopping by to join in. Melissa left at one point to grab something she forgot from her locker, and she managed to slide back into her seat right before the bell rang.

I glanced over while the teacher started the lesson, and I noticed that her stack of books was identical to how it was before she left the room. That was strange… What did she need to get from her locker?

As if she could sense my confusion, Melissa looked over and gave me a small smile before pulling something out of her jacket pocket. "I know you don't make a big deal out of it, but I saw it and couldn't resist. Figured today would be a good day to give it to you." I made to ask what she was talking about, but before I could she set something down on my desk and turned back to face the front of the room.

Curious, I looked down at what she'd put on my desk and couldn't help but smile at the necklace she'd given me. The pendant on it was about the size of two quarters, and one side was pink with the word "her" written across it in blue, while the other side was blue with the word "him" written across it in pink. "Thanks, Melissa," I said as I started working with the clasp to put it on, making sure the "him" side was the one hitting my collarbone.

Things would work out… I just needed to quit doubting that...

* * *

 **A/N: Hope y'all enjoyed!**


End file.
